E.M. Chapter four: "3,129,846 Results" or "To the Rachelmobile!"

We returned to business about half an hour later; our stomachs filled with good things to eat, like popcorn and cocoa, and our brains filled with animated garbage. Once we sat down, we spent an additional ten minutes just staring at the computer monitor.

"That’s a good screensaver." Katy said finally.

"It is, isn’t it?" I asked, "Oh well, might as well get on with our search."

"Right." Katy agreed.

There was a long silence as we both surveyed the screen.

"What was it we were doing again?" Katy asked.

I thought for a while longer before finally answering, "Oh yeah! We were looking for tigers and goats!" I exclaimed, typing pet stores with tigers and goats into the search table.

Shortly a list of 3,129,864 results had turned up on my computer. The evil mastermind and her sidekick stared on open-eyed with a growing look of disdain.

"I can’t even read that big of a number!" I exclaimed. After thinking for a moment I added, "Well, I can. But if I couldn’t, I couldn’t… That didn’t make any sense did it?"

Katy shook her head, "Maybe we should try a different search?" She suggested.

I nodded and changed pet stores with tigers and goats to "tigers and goats" for sale. The result page once again popped up, this time with a much more manageable sum of 2.

"Two? That’s it?" Katy asked.

"I guess so." I said slowly. Clicking on the first link my eyes enlarged to the size of Turkey serving plates, "$10,982.98?!" I exclaimed, "All for one stupid tiger?!" I quickly clicked the back button so as to no longer continue being mortified by the unheard of price before my eyes.

"Okay, we’ll try the other link." I told Katy, "Brace yourself."

I hovered the mouse pointer (which coincidentally strongly resembles the blade, Sting, from the Lord of the Ring films…) over the link for a moment before finally clicking.

We waited in anticipation for the page to load. Sweat beads formed on our foreheads as we bent all our concentration to trying to see what was not yet there. Finally an image slowly—much too slowly—faded onto the screen.

Katy scoffed at the text that formed there, "That’s cheap. It’s just about some rich guy who owns a tiger and goats. Not about someone who’s selling them."

My pointer hovered over the ‘back button’ once again but this time I stopped short of actually clicking it as an idea dawned on me.

Apparently the same idea had dawned on Katy simultaneously as the next thing I knew we were looking at each other with excitement in our eyes.

"This is perfect!" I declared, "Is there any better way to begin one’s life of villainy but here?"

Katy, grinning responded, "I dare say, there is no better opportunity than the one before us! We can finally implement one of our evil schemes saved up from so long ago!" Long ago being almost two weeks ago.

"Yes! But perhaps first we should remind the watchers at home what our evil scheme was…" I began.

"Watchers at home?" Katy echoed, "Rachel, there are no ‘watchers at home.’"

I laughed, "Right, right. I was merely testing you. Anyway… First things first. What do we need to implement our plan?"

"Hmm…. First we need another seven people." Katy reminded me.

"Yes.. And a camel." I recalled, "Oh, several mirrors."

"And swords!" Katy finished.

"Alright then, what do we get first?" I asked.

"The camel?" Katy suggested.

I nodded with satisfaction, "Alright then, to the zoo!" I declared.

"To the zoo!" Katy agreed.

We ran out of my room and into the garage, barely pausing long enough to ensure both doors were closed. We climbed into the "Rachelmobile" and backed into the garage. We were trying to back out, but unfortunately my sidekick had forgotten it was her job to open the garage door… But being the persistent super villains we are, we tried again, this time opening the door first.

It worked well and soon we were on the road again. That is when another idea hit my ever observant partner, "You do know the way to the zoo, don’t you Rachel?"

I shrugged, "I think it’s in this general direction." I told her, "Besides, there are signs."

Katy sighed and lowered her seat back, this was going to be a long ride.