E.M. Chapter 8: "The Rear-View Mirror" or "How are you Still Alive?"

"On the road again… Can’t wait to get on the road again…"

"I’ll personally see to it that you can’t make another sound if you keep that up," I managed to grind out between gritted teeth. My new minion was clearly working out for the worse: I was losing patience, my concentration on the road (by most accounts not too good to begin with) was wavering as the overpowering desire to smack her took me, and I felt sure my ears would start bleeding at any moment if she kept up this singing. "We’re evil," I added, "Evil doesn’t sing for anyone."

"But I’m bored!" Stacey complained, "Where are we going anyway?"

"We’re going to Nikki’s house." I said, "I must collect more minions."

"But, Rachel, isn’t Nikki’s house—"

Katy’s observation was cut off by Stacey, "How come you didn’t get Nikki first? Then I coulda slept in more!"

I smirked, "The whim of an Evil Mastermind, that’s why." I glanced at my minion in my rear-view mirror, mostly ignorant to the crazy antics of the other drivers on the road—she was glaring at me.

"Rachel," the ever-persistent Katy tried again, "Nikki’s house is—"

"And another thing!" I said suddenly, "Your house is, obviously, much closer than Nikki’s. I don’t like driving long distances too early in the morning so I decided to go to your house first."

"Nikki’s house is—"

"And!!" I added, loudly to speak over my irritating sidekick’s interruptions, "I’m an Evil Mastermind, I don’t need to explain myself to the likes of you!!"


"Jeez, I was just asking," Stacey said, looking at me as if I had gone off my rocker, "you don’t have to get all touchy and everything. Curiosity isn’t a crime, is it?"

"Will you listen to—"

"And that’ll be the first thing I change when I rule the world!" I exclaimed vehemently. The car fell into an uneasy silence following this. Stacey was glaring at the back of my head, and I was glaring back via the rear-view mirror. I could barely see Katy fuming in the corner of my eye—clearly she was as upset as me about my minion’s insubordination.

"Katy, do you have something to add?" I asked, smirking slightly at the thought of doing some Evil Mastermind-Evil Sidekick bonding by ganging up against someone.

"Finally," Katy sighed, "Rachel, you’re going the wrong way to get to Nikki’s house."

I blinked at her, "No I’m not," I said, deftly steering around a car that was going 65 in what must certainly be a 125 mph zone.

"Rachel, we passed Northtown twenty minutes ago," Katy said, "you’re going the wrong way."

I blinked again then shrugged, "This’ll take us there eventually."

Katy rolled her eyes and took a deep breath before continuing—I had the vague sensation that she had been counting to ten in her head. "You want to get our Evil Plan started as soon as possible—don’t you?"

I nodded smartly, "Right, haste is of the utmost importance."

"Then don’t you think it would be best to take the straightest path when picking up your minions?" Katy questioned.

I thought about this as we soared down the highway. It did have it’s point, but if we took a direct path there would be so much less scenery to see and gas to be used up… And at that moment inspiration struck me, "We’ve got to go the other way!" I exclaimed, "I’m using up precious gas!" That said, I put the car into a hard turn, putting a heavy foot on the brake as I did so in an effort to keep the vehicle from rolling. We cut across two lanes of traffic (I clearly had the right-of-way as my car’s red) and bounced across a badly made island separating the two halves of the highway. I slammed on the gas again as we flawlessly merged into traffic.

I then took a moment to glance at my other two companions. Katy was looking particularly white and strained, Stacey was visibly shaking in the rear-view mirror. I never would be able to understand my minions—er, friends—they always pick such peculiar times to allow the stress of their lives to catch up with them.

"Next time," Stacey offered, her voice substantially subdued, "Just use an exit ramp."

"Aw, and miss out of all that fun?" I asked, "Come on, it’s not like it was dangerous or anything. I’ve done worse, ask Katy."

Katy, shaking slightly herself, nodded with a pained expression on her face.

"I don’t understand how you’re still alive," Stacey commented, shaking her head in amazement.

I grinned, "Neither do I, these people all drive like maniacs. My good driving must make up for their horrible driving."

"Right…" Katy reluctantly agreed.