USA Today, the number one source on all things M.E. has made another gigantic, enlightening, unprecedented report on the world of M.E. Of course, me being the creator and author of said inspiring tale (M.E. and it’s sequel, M.E. II) I was immediately sent the story upon publication. What follows is the completely unabridged interview USA Today staff had with the would-be director of M.E., Ranzt Wieghet.
USA Today: "After the amazing success of The M.E. Radio Drama everywhere it was released (most of Ethiopia and bits of Greenland) we all wondered what was next for the multimillion dollar (or "two cent") operation. Would M.E. go on to become next year’s greatest hit on pop culture CD? Would M.E. go Hollywood, putting the moving story of a Fellowship, it’s followers, and somebody’s pet dog on top selling Foreign Art Films everywhere? Well, today USA Today has found the answer to both of those questions. And the answer is no. However, we do have some good news for you today! As a nameless USA Today writer, I was given the opportunity to sit and talk with one of the most groundbreaking people in today’s M.E. movement! Ranzt Wieghet. Ranzt, can I call you Ranzt?"
Ranzt Wieghet: "Actually, I’d prefer you call me Bob."
USAT: "Er, okay... Bob... Why Bob?"
RW: "Well, I’ve always had trouble pronouncing Ranzt and Bob is such an easy name."
USAT: "... Well! Moving on. Bob, word on the net is you have started work on some kind of an M.E. Motion Picture. Is there anything you can tell us about this?"
RW: "Yes. Yes there is, Bob."
USAT: "Um, my name isn’t Bob."
RW: "Sure it isn’t, Bob."
USAT: "Er... Anyway, you said you can tell us something about this movie event?"
RW: "Yes, I did."
USAT: "... And?"
RW: "I like jelly doughnuts."
USAT: "That’s very nice, Bob, but what can you tell us about the movie? When did production start?"
RW: "We started back in January. It was just me, a couple of my friends, my uncle’s old video recorder, and my parent’s basement at the time."
USAT: "... Right. Well, you’ve expanded since then, haven’t you?"
USAT: "How so?"
RW: "Well, we’ve decided to make it a class project, that way we have actors to play all of the parts."
USAT: "... So, can you tell us what the movie is going to look like when it’s finished?"
RW: "Oh, it’s going to look great! We did a car wash a few months back and raised over $12.00 for special effects! Do you have any idea how many rubber bands you can buy for $12.00?"
USAT: "Er, no, Bob, I don’t."
RW: "Neither do I, but we got some really great paper clips."
USAT: "That sounds like something viewers will really have to be looking for when watching your film."
USAT: "Excuse me?"
RW: "Well, we can’t really afford to make anything big, so we’ve decided to release it as a series of ten minute short films."
USAT: "Er, that sounds great. Bob."
RW: *grins and nods*
USAT: "... So! What kind of... Films can we expect to see, anyway? Are you focusing more on the action? The suspense? The romance?"
RW: *blinks* "There was romance?" *shrugs* "We’ll be focusing equally on everything, I think. We’ve got the band working on it, and we’re coming up with some really great musical numbers."
USAT: "Musical... Numbers...?"
RW: *nods enthusiastically* "Yeah! We’re doing the whole thing as an interpretive dance! I think we’re really bringing out the characters in a new light. You know, we’re really getting inside their heads."
USAT: *laughs nervously*
RW: "I think everyone is really going to enjoy that scene, we used strawberry Jell-O to replicate the texture of the human brain."
USAT: "That sounds... really... unique. Um... I heard you had some big names playing the lead roles, could you give us some examples?"
RW: "Yeah, I’m sure they’d love that. Well, we’ve got Katassay Rollanerthinson playing the part of Katy, Shaineorm Lotquisingmort as Sam, and Darvesaw Thrapnollshist playing the coveted part of the Bethany Coconut Rock."
USAT: "... Those are some really... big... names..." *looks at watch* "Oh, wow! Well, we’re out of time for today. I’m sure we’ll all be waiting anxiously for your movies to release—"
RW: "They should be coming out sometime in November! Just in time for your Christmas shopping pleasure! Look out for M.E. the Musical Production: Part 1: A Short, Coordinated Introduction!"
USAT: "Yes, yes, we’ll all be looking forward to it. Now, we’re really out of time here, so—"
RW: "We expect them to only cost $15.00 a piece! A very reasonable allotment for any budget!"
USAT: "Sorry, but that’s all the room we have for today."
RW: "Hi mom! Hi dad! Hi Uncle Luey! Thanks for letting us borrow your camera! I promise the scratch is barely noticeable!"
USAT: "Until next time, keep your eyes and ears peeled for M.E. the Musical Production... And AVOID it at any cost!"
RW: *frowns* "What’s that supposed to—"
USAT: "And remember! You heard it first here, at USA Today!"
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